coffee

New Beginnings and God's reminder

It's been a while, so long that blogger has changed a lot lol, and I'm going to have to spend some time digging around figuring things out.  So long that I've started a new online business, we started homeschooling our children and we've added another darling baby to our family. So long that Ari is walking....yes!  walking!  

I forgot how nice it is to have a place where I can come and just write.  To write my words and thoughts and what God shares with me.  I have been lacking lately in my spiritual walk, and it's no ones fault but my own.  Caught up in so many unimportant things as well as just the craziness of life with littles.  It's so easy to put off time with God, or just say well, my time praying while I drive is good enough, not making it a point to spend time in his word or communicating with him other than when it's convenient for me.  hmmm.  yeah, that hasn't been working too well for me lately.  Makes me short tempered, impatient and sort of screamy.....not good when you have 6 littles under 12, a business to run, house to care for and hubby.... oh the poor hubby

so, yesterday, I got out a new coffee cup that I bought myself this week and made myself some coffee and dug out my trusty bible and turned to Philippians.  I had just made my munchkins their eggs for breakfast before we started homeschooling for the day and Ela, our 3 month old, was still sleeping.  I went out back after telling the kids I needed a few minutes and imploring the bigs to be nice to the litles etc, and prayed that God would show me what He had for me.  I had had one of "those" mornings with my babies where nothing was going right and I was having anxiety about the busy weekend we had planned.  I opened my eyes and found the wind had turned my pages to Ephesians 6....so I started reading....10-20 seemed especially fitting for the day, and really just the time in my life lately and I got one of those silly grins on my face....one of those where you know God has you pegged and is ready to roll when you are.  5 minutes is all I had before Ela woke and needed to eat and the kids needed me, but 5 minutes was all it took for God to adjust my perspective to where it needed to be and give me the reminder that He is there waiting for me to jump back into the game so to speak.  To help me not be screamy and trying to control every moment of my life, to not be quite as nervous with the unknown and things I can't change and the reminder to take joy in the little things.  It's amazing how quickly I can forget that part....

Ephesians 6:10-20

New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Season for Change

I feel like the tides are changing, that maybe God's working to mold me into who he wants me to be, even if it's just a small piece that's being reworked.  Like years of work towards one small goal might be coming to pass.....and man, it's not much fun.  I feel like he's finally "killed the lizard" (from C.S. Lewis' book The Great Divorce) of my bargain-spending-money issue, although I know it may take quite a bit longer before I don't have relapses and twinges to spend when I don't need too.  I feel like I finally (after my whole life) have the control (only through God's grace and help) to keep myself away from and say no to myself in this area.

Now, I feel like we've moved on to some key spiritual identity issues.  I've always struggled with putting my husband in God's place, which we all know no man could ever measure up to those standards, right?  So, I've asked God continuously to help me not do that, and to focus on Him instead of trying to control my hubby and what he does so I can feel "okay".  Do you know what happens when you pray for something like that, or like patience, really any of those sorts of "virtues"?  God gives you ample opportunity to lean on him and "learn" the very thing you've asked for.  So, I feel like He has been trying to help me in this area for a very long time, and I am really wishing I could "get" it, so I could be done struggling with this.

What do you feel like God's trying to help you with lately?

Messy

So, the kids are home today from school for "teacher work day", and the Hubs is at work and I've done it again.  I've really been struggling this week with the yuck of depression, and Satan seems to be on me like some sort of slime....or well at least sitting on my shoulder whispering nonsense in my ear, because once you're a child of God you can't be of two masters, so S has lost the ability to get any farther.  But, sitting on my shoulder does more good sometimes than one would think, especially if you're already down in the dumps.  The last few days, I find I'm having a real struggle in my marriage with giving my husband words of encouragement,  instead of words that tear him down in some way.  Words that give him respect, instead of words that grate on his nerves or accuse and irritate him.  Even when I try to do things the right way, they get all twisted and mooshed and come out completely the opposite of what I intended.

I guess I'm remembering that you can't "muster" up any of the fruits of the spirit, you can only give what you have, and therefore making me realize maybe I've been not so great at feeding my spirit lately..... cause heaven knows what I've been giving out isn't hope, peace, patience, kindness ect..well, at least not as much as I'd like.....  But, I'm so grateful that God gives us all the time we need and that he's always there when we're ready to get back on track, and after almost seven years of marriage my hubs and I know this is just a rocky blip in the road.  Now, I'm not saying if you're having depression issues there might not be a medical need there, but I'm on some meds and I know that my current issue mostly has to do with the fact I'm just walking a little off the path, and that the big G can meet me where I am and help me get back on track.  I'm so glad that we have a Father that cares for us so, and will always be there, no matter what the screw up, ready to help and welcome us back......kinda like the prodigal son I guess.

This post is linked to Friday Fails at My Blessed Life.