Saturday, January 30, 2010

Season for Change

I feel like the tides are changing, that maybe God's working to mold me into who he wants me to be, even if it's just a small piece that's being reworked.  Like years of work towards one small goal might be coming to pass.....and man, it's not much fun.  I feel like he's finally "killed the lizard" (from C.S. Lewis' book The Great Divorce) of my bargain-spending-money issue, although I know it may take quite a bit longer before I don't have relapses and twinges to spend when I don't need too.  I feel like I finally (after my whole life) have the control (only through God's grace and help) to keep myself away from and say no to myself in this area.

Now, I feel like we've moved on to some key spiritual identity issues.  I've always struggled with putting my husband in God's place, which we all know no man could ever measure up to those standards, right?  So, I've asked God continuously to help me not do that, and to focus on Him instead of trying to control my hubby and what he does so I can feel "okay".  Do you know what happens when you pray for something like that, or like patience, really any of those sorts of "virtues"?  God gives you ample opportunity to lean on him and "learn" the very thing you've asked for.  So, I feel like He has been trying to help me in this area for a very long time, and I am really wishing I could "get" it, so I could be done struggling with this.

What do you feel like God's trying to help you with lately?

Friday, January 22, 2010


So, the kids are home today from school for "teacher work day", and the Hubs is at work and I've done it again.  I've really been struggling this week with the yuck of depression, and Satan seems to be on me like some sort of slime....or well at least sitting on my shoulder whispering nonsense in my ear, because once you're a child of God you can't be of two masters, so S has lost the ability to get any farther.  But, sitting on my shoulder does more good sometimes than one would think, especially if you're already down in the dumps.  The last few days, I find I'm having a real struggle in my marriage with giving my husband words of encouragement,  instead of words that tear him down in some way.  Words that give him respect, instead of words that grate on his nerves or accuse and irritate him.  Even when I try to do things the right way, they get all twisted and mooshed and come out completely the opposite of what I intended.

I guess I'm remembering that you can't "muster" up any of the fruits of the spirit, you can only give what you have, and therefore making me realize maybe I've been not so great at feeding my spirit lately..... cause heaven knows what I've been giving out isn't hope, peace, patience, kindness ect..well, at least not as much as I'd like.....  But, I'm so grateful that God gives us all the time we need and that he's always there when we're ready to get back on track, and after almost seven years of marriage my hubs and I know this is just a rocky blip in the road.  Now, I'm not saying if you're having depression issues there might not be a medical need there, but I'm on some meds and I know that my current issue mostly has to do with the fact I'm just walking a little off the path, and that the big G can meet me where I am and help me get back on track.  I'm so glad that we have a Father that cares for us so, and will always be there, no matter what the screw up, ready to help and welcome us back......kinda like the prodigal son I guess.

This post is linked to Friday Fails at My Blessed Life.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Over at Incourage a challenge was made to use the creativity that God has woven into us all, and stretch our "wings" a bit.  So, I thought I'd give this a try, we'll see how I do, as I've never attempted Haiku before now.....

Soft, Crunchy, Crisp Snow
Glorious White, Clean, and New
Moment to Reflect

Friday, January 8, 2010

New Year, New Thoughts, New Idea's.....

I'm not usually one to make a New Year's resolution, I don't know why, other than maybe it requires too much work and it usually brings up the thought of failure.  Who likes failure, right?  Anyways, this year I am going to try to start a couple of new habits to replace old.....sort of like that saying of out with the old, in with the new thing.  So, here goes....

First and foremost, I would like to continue in my pursuit of a closer relationship with God, and choosing to say yes to allow him to work in my life and through me to reach others for him.  Which also means trying to find time to study and pray more often, and purposefully doing so, rather than just doing it when I "have time".

Second, I want to continue to move towards my husband, instead of putting him where God belongs and requiring him to be more than he ever could be.  I want to have the sort of marriage that is a blessing to our children, so that they can look and see what it should be.  To have it be a light for Christ and and example for them, so that they base what they want in marriage and beforehand on what God wants rather how the world says it should be.  I want to work for our marriage so that we are still giddy and in love when we are 85, rather than old and crotchety and tired with each other.

Third, I want to continue to make strides in my housekeeping and money management skills, so that we have a schedule and have savings in the bank.  This one may not seem like a big deal, but one of my biggest issues, and one that God is currently working very hard on, is money and saying no to a "bargain".....and housework and schedule's are not my strong suit whatsoever.....

So, I am going to attempt to make small steps, with God's help, towards these changes, and we'll see how it goes over the next year....with lots of prayer and help, I'm sure.